| Jake Jake Jake |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|11:27 pm] |
A Haiku:
I like Jacob Baus.
I like him so much it hurts.
I have to leave him. |
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| Crush Crush Crush |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|08:25 pm] |
I would like to begin by pointing out that I very much have a dear attachment to Jacob and plan to be with him for a very, very long time, if not forever; however, Dr James Owen is absolutely adorable! I can deny my attachment to him no longer. He is so wonderfully small and cheerful, his accent and voice being a point of great adoration. He is nearly always finding my eye when we pass, even at dinner, and of late I have taken every change possible to make small conversations with him. This of course bothers Jake. He would be beyond repair if he knew how much I liked James Owen. Yet, even knowing that, I have trouble keeping away.
I do not want to hurt Jake. It is the exact opposite. Unfortunately, for both of us, my crush on James Owen has taken leaps and bounds in the past two weeks. Tonight, he caught me in the hall and explained to me that he was a bit drunk. He was going to teach his BS Honors lecture! He had taken pain medication for his toothache (which he told me about yesterday at lunch) and when he had a few glasses of wine with dinner at the special thing with the staff, he became intoxicated! And, by God if I didn't think he was going to tell me he wanted me. He is extraordinarily attractive when he smiles...even with those darn teeth. I find them strangely endearing.
I feel a great load on my back, considering that Jake and I have had no less than three difficult, trying conversations about my crush on Owen, the last being Friday night and ending with "I just am sick of hearing about him!" I could not promise Jake that I would stay away from him or not speak to him, but I am being more conscious of how I am with James Owen in front of Jake. When I stopped off at his table at lunch today to compliment his lecture this morning, he asked if I would be popping in to his office this afternoon to discuss Friday's field trip. I told him I would be, and thank you very much. I was secretly complimented that he remembered I wanted to talk to him. I wonder if he thinks of me as often as I think of him...
This is a bad situation all around. Except for when James Owen smiles. Then, then it is worth it. |
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| Halloween Bust |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|05:21 pm] |
Today should be the best day of my year. I ADORE Halloween. I look forward to it every year. But this year, it's been totally ruined.
There was no Hocus Pocus, even though I went to the greatest efforts to look for it! Some ass hole fucker took that movie without signing it out and ruined my damn Halloween. Also, there was no Mr. Boogedy, no The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile, and no Disney's Halloween Treat.
I don't feel complete. Wednesday night's on campus Halloween party was a big failure and tonight is not going to be fun enough for what it has already cost me-which is a fraction of what it will inevitably cost me in the end. I just want to be home and answer the door to trick or treaters and watch The Phantom of the Megaplex on Disney Channel.
I am missing Skalloween at home. I missed the Pumpkin Patch. I don't want to be a sad sack and ask for a pity party but there is so much more that is supposed to be going on and it's not. Halloween ought to be--IS--the best holiday of the year and I feel so let down and absolutely neglected. Where did you go, Halloween of the whole rest of my life? Why don't I feel the way I always do this time of year? |
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| AFI's Ten Top 10 |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|09:34 pm] |
Now, I love movies.
And I agree very much with AFI on many accounts. But there is one thing that I will not budge on and that fact is that A League of Their Own is most surely one of the top ten sports movies, I would say top five, of all time. |
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| Exercising |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|03:56 pm] |
I tried to exercise today.
I spent a total of fifteen minutes outside. I actually said aloud "Who am I kidding?" And then my barely-more-than-a-jog slowed to a walk. I am not an exercise person. I definately do not jog. I only made it two blocks jogging before I couldn't jog anymore. And those are GRIDLEY village blocks, not fifth of a mile city blocks. I slowed and walked and I was going to keep walking for some time instead of jogging or I breifly thought of alternating jogging and walking but then I gave up. I gave up on walking.
I cut through Mr. C's yard and I came into the commons. And it was so damn strange. It was like entering another dimension. They were eerily smaller than I remember. I measured the distance from our pine trees to the metal box and I seemed like such an insignificant amount. I remember when that amount of distance would be death in ghost in the graveyard or kickball. And I felt so big and large and old. And I wanted to rebel against that feeling.
So I got the brilliant idea to climb the Ghost Tree. I did. I climbed the Ghost Tree. I haven't climbed that since I'm guessing fifth grade. When did Steffens move out of the neighborhood? It was before Aimee could drive. Well let's see, they lived there for her eighth grade birthday party so that was when Jeremy and I were in seventh grade, so that was when we were thirteen. And that was eight years ago. I kept thinking, "I'm not thirteen anymore. I'm not fit. I'm not even active." And this proves it. What did I do? I came home to the air conditioning and sat down on the couch in front of my computer. Sitting with a journal would have been the same thing.
But something peculiar happened when I was up in that tree. The branches didn't give under my twice-more weight that I've put on since I climbed it last. They didn't even bend or bow. They just supported me. I climbed to the fourth bend. It was a rather good heigth. I remembered when I could climb so high that I could see El Paso. That was when my eyes were better, too, though. And then I thought, "I'm not old. I'm twenty-one and that's not old. So why shouldn't I still climb trees?"
You know, climbing trees was my all-time favorite thing. Now I have scrapes on my legs that all I can think about is "I hope they heal before the wedding so Sky doesn't see them!" |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2008|08:33 pm] |
It's been a while.
Recent Warm Gun in my life:
Sky Ertl
James McAvoy
Dad took me to Green Gables today.
Dancing with the Stars
Being able to buy alcohol.
Cyndi and Aubrey are always happiness.
Things I pray for today:
Landre will find happiness with her man.
Haley will do great on her finals and nursing school.
I get to see Chris K. this week.
Stephanie and Chris Fletch fall even more in love than they already are.
Landre's test tomorrow and for Julie to have a safe flight home.
Mom and Dad and the insurance.
Micki and Chris Parr's job search.
The Global energy crisis.
The price of gas.
That I can reconcile things with Benedict and come to peace with that.
I either get my man or get over him. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2007|10:37 pm] |
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One of the best things about Halloween is roasted pumpkin seeds. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2007|11:54 pm] |
I think I have seriously messed up my sleep habits. Today I slept from 3am until 11:30am and then napped from 2:30pm-5pm. Now, I feel awake, alive, alert. Will I not be able to sleep until 3am today? What should I do with this free time? I don't want to do homework? I slept away what should have been a truly productive weekend. I saw some friends, I read a book, watched three movies I'd never seen, but I should have studied for my two tests on Wednesday, written my paper due on Friday...oh well.
My counselor Brad says I should regret less. I think I should just stop doing stupid things that I'll end up regretting later on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2007|12:00 am] |
The world is too small.
Some days I don't think I can take it.
You see something and you wonder why you had to see it. You watch others you know experience things and you wonder why you can't be experiencing those things. You cry and cry. You don't understand. The world it so small and you don't know why. You want to talk to no one. You want to be disassociated, ignored, unknown, and you want to not know others. You want to walk to one class without seeing fourteen people you know. You want to stop seeing others making connections you didn't make for them. You want to stop those connections from being made. You want to stop knowing the people making those connections. You want to have never known them; any of them and all the people you know you don't want to know. You just want to be unrecognized.
I want to run away. I want to run far away. I want to go so far away that no one will know me. Even further. So far that no one will know anyone I know. I want to be unknown and forgotten. I never want to find out that someone I used to know knows someone I know now. I never again want to learn that someone I don't like likes some one I like. I never again want to see those connections being made. I want them to not be made, to be unmade. For people to forget they know me and everyone I know.
This is not so I can start over and keep them from making connections. It's so that I'll never make connections. I want relationships undone. Friends unmade. Experiences unexperienced. If you never experienced anything then you can't be hurt by it later. You can't be angered or saddened by it, or amazed or even annoyed. You have no past. You have no associations. You have no friends and it's wonderful. It's bliss. Your world is an out-right utopia because you don't know the feel of pain or regret, of envy or concern, you neither know nor question what any other person does or did or who they did it with and you don't want to know. The idea of knowing isn't even considered because you don't know another person on this small, tiny, miniscule world.
That's what I want. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|11:10 pm] |
Who has two thumbs and is pumped about the party Friday night!?
This gal. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|12:00 am] |
I AM SO HAPPY!
Katie, Marqui, Seth, Jordan, Alyssa, Sam! All of my favourite people. Even Peirce...I love you guys! I am so proud of you. I've known since you were first graders and I love you all!
Congrats to the best class ever and my favourite people on getting Homecoming Court-I love all of you! Yay class of 2008! You are MY FRESHMAN! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|09:11 pm] |
I'm happy
I'm happy
La La La La La La
I knew it
I knew it
Na Na Na Na Boo Boo |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|11:53 pm] |
I don't feel like what I've been doing for the past two hours has been procrastinating. What I did all week was procrastinating. Let's face it, folks, there's simply no way I'll ever be prepared for this exam, so why try?
Do you think it's a problem when I nap more than thirty hours a week. Because I think it might be. I miss things because I nap. I missed basketball today. I missed Lunch with Techie and Kup the past four times we made plans to do it. Why? I was napping. And I don't nap because I'm tired. How can I be? I nap all the time...I nap because I don't want to leave my room so I just stay in my room and close my door so no one comes to visit and then I lay in my sheets or under my care bears blanky to be warm or comfort myself and I just fall asleep. I don't know if that's good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|01:00 am] |
I just had the best late night ever, I think. Now, the recent late night before the Pem ghost hun was good and the late night run with Ryan P. beginning of last year when we went to Nihl's apartment afterward was good, but I don't know if that counts as late night because we got it to go. I'm talking tonight's late night was just fun and memorable. I was there for over two hours for pete and pete's sake!
I made two new friends, which is something people who know me would say I don't need to do, and I'll just end up complaining about it later. But these friends are different. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|10:41 am] |
Yay! Hercules is on the Disney channel, you always come through, Disney!
I think I need to watch HSM today... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|10:41 am] |
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I have the world's worst crick in my neck. I can't even hold my head on straight. It hurts...oh the pain... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2007|10:17 pm] |
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Today has been the most wasted day of my semester. And that's saying a lot. I didn't get out of bed until 12:00 today and then all I did was watch Field of Dreams for two hours. Then, I sat around, read a little, and took a nap. I mean! A nap! I'm like Rip van Winkle here... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|08:47 am] |
What happens when a bomb is dropped plop on your head?
goillini2995: Kayla... sorry i've been kind of a jerk... we should chat sometime
I don't know what to say, do, think, how to act, how to approach this.
In other news, Tim makes me smile A LOT. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|12:39 am] |
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I miss Jim. Every time I'm around him I realise how much I like him. And then when I'm at school and I don't see him I forget how great he is and how much I love having him as a friend. Scorno, too. I miss Scorno just about every day and after seeing them on Friday it makes me wish I saw them all the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|12:37 am] |
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Grrr. Had to do my first documentation on the floor tonight. Grrr. That stinks. I don't like that part of my job at all. This may just ruin the whole floor's opinion of me. |
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